


numbered days (counting down to you)

by chaevity



Series: BLUEMING ━ PROSE AND DRABBLES [2]
Category: Stray Kids (Band)
Genre: Anyways, I also rewrote this, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Mental Health Issues, Mental Institutions, OCD, Obsessive Behavior, Self-Harm, This was not created to romanticize mental health issues nor diagnose them! It's simply a plotline., crossposted on wattpad, hahaha that's what she said, not really sweet actually, short and sweet, um yeah it's just short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-19
Updated: 2021-02-19
Packaged: 2021-03-15 18:01:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 524
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29562993
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chaevity/pseuds/chaevity
Summary: So Felix lays, 1,095 nights since he’d last seen the love of his life, too late and too early at the same time, regretting every last bit of what he’d once held in his hands.Seungmin is dead.And that leaves Felix alone; counting the days until he joined him.Lee Felix counts his loves.
Relationships: Kim Seungmin/Lee Felix
Series: BLUEMING ━ PROSE AND DRABBLES [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2090643
Kudos: 5





	numbered days (counting down to you)

**Author's Note:**

> some of y'all are dense and don't read the tags:
> 
> TW: SUICIDE, SELF-HARM, AND OCD

Lee Felix had always had an uncharacteristic love for numbers.

Anything numerical, really. He counted everything—each month, each week, each day. How many black shirts his older brother owned. How many posters his sister had on her wall. How many steps it took for him to reach his bathroom from his bed. 

Personally, his favorite thing to count was his scars—he’d scratch and pick at the lines littering his arms and thighs, sighing softly as he’d speak the amount under his breath. The number he whispered was increasing at an alarming rate, especially lately, but he didn’t care. More numbers to count. 

It had been seven years since his first diagnosis. Six years since his second. Five years since his first mental hospital trip, meaning five years since he first met Kim Seungmin. Four years since they’d both left the mental hospital, which meant four years since the first date he’d ever been taken on. With Kim Seungmin, of course. 

But this also meant it had been three years since the only person he’d ever loved disappeared from the face of the Earth, two weeks since the case had been reopened, and one day since they’d finally found Kim Seungmin’s body at the bottom of the Han river. 

(His skeleton, more like.)

So perhaps this meant that it had been three years since his lover, the bravest person he’d ever known, finally succumbed to the demons that had wracked his mind. What did that mean for Felix?

Today, Felix gave himself three slashes on his right arm and twenty-two on his left. For Kim Seungmin’s birthday. 

But his sister had forced him into bed after he was finished with his tendencies—that’s what everybody called them, tendencies (which sounds much too harmless to Felix)—and here he lay. 

He felt his stomach grumble four different times as he lay under his comforter. He hadn’t eaten since the news of the case reached his ears. Maybe he’d never get the chance to again, he doesn’t know. 

But Felix knows Seungmin. No, Felix knew Seungmin. At least he thought he did, better than anyone else, but even if he didn’t, he knows that Seungmin would want him to be happy. He’d want Seungmin to be happy if he was gone. But happiness was no longer his driving motive—Seungmin was. So what does that mean for him?

As much as Felix hates it, there’s this cave in his heart that has always belonged to Seungmin. It always will. But now that Seungmin is gone, it belongs to the hope that he’ll come back eventually—it’s the only reason why Felix hasn’t given in to his destructive temptations just yet. But he can feel it in his bones, and in the depths of his stomach, that this part of him is wrong. Seungmin’s gone. 

So Felix lays, 1,095 nights since he’d last seen the love of his life, too late and too early at the same time, regretting every last bit of what he’d once held in his hands. 

Seungmin is dead. 

And that leaves Felix alone; counting the days until he joined him.


End file.
